Untitled

Unfinished.
Incomplete.
Fragmented.

Such is my life thus far. Unfinished because I'm still alive, grudgingly facing each day. Incomplete, as the path to self realization becomes increasingly complex. Fragmented. In my thoughts. In my actions. My very existence itself is by no means whole. And untitled. For I am yet to bear any name or title that outwardly displays who I am and what I stand for.

I should be studying. But the words are unfamiliar and my head and heart are both burdened with disinterest. My mind is wandering, the labyrinth that it is, I find myself thinking beyond my capabilities. I find myself dreaming beyond my means. Elaborate goals and spectacular endings. I wish for them all. How then, am I not able to motivate myself. How am I unable to inspire a situation of studious activity.
How?

Since the start of this year I've been questioning it all. Regretting decisions. Regretting my cowardice. Contemplating options, for it is, by no means too late to rectify what has resulted. I'm still nowhere near content though. I am still swamped with confusion and unease. It's a daunting thought. The future that is. Knowing the uncertainty it brings with it is frightening. Choices made now may reap benefits or result in adverse circumstances. We just don't know.

It's tragic too, that such heavy weighted decisions need to be made now, when so many of the youth are still battling demons of all kinds in an attempt to find themselves. Social tensions complicate matters further. Apart from deciding what one wishes to do with their life, a youngster is often preoccupied with their appearance, with acquiring social face, and even with pursuing a life partner. It's an ongoing struggle. It doesn't end.

I am almost appalled at my own self when I say, follow your heart. Yes. I'm that cliche. But it must be said. In this overwhelming world of judgement and unfulfillment, it is so essential that we hold on to the things that drive is, that inspire and push us. The things that we are wholly passionate about. The little things. The big things. The things. Grab them and go. Find yourself and your place in this universe in that very way.

In the somewhat modified words of Charles Bukowski- Find what you love and let it consume you :)

Mi montaña

Mi montaña- My mountain.

Why yes I'm audacious enough to use the possessive on the brink of obsessive word MY to describe errrrrrbadys favorite feature of the Cape, Table mountain : )

I could make this post about the aesthetic importance of the mountain, it's contributions to SA's biodiversity or how it was recently nominated as one of thee wonders of the world. I won't though. What I will do is talk through my evolving encounter with the beautiful rockery on a daily basis.

Galloping down my staircase with sleep or tea or both on my mind. My first glimpse of the mountain is one of familiarity but by no means any less breath taking than any other. With either peeking sunlight or a blanketed cloud cover my morning mountain ensures I have something worthy to smile about upon waking.

Public transport comes with several perks. A lower carbon footprint, evading morning traffic, stumbling upon weird and wonderful people and the way I'm forced into my only physical activity for the day as I run for my bus :') The greatest highlight however is the many faces of the mountain I am exposed to en route my picturesque campus.

As I travel alongside the ocean, as I trudge through the CBD, as I crawl up the winded road to UCT, my mountain remains the only constant. It exists as my security, assuring me that I am on track with whatever I'm doing and wherever I am going. From the flattest view to the more jagged one, Table Mountain demands appreciation of its striking self from all angles.

Best for last however, the backdrop of UCT is the most beauteous of all :) .