Untitled

Unfinished.
Incomplete.
Fragmented.

Such is my life thus far. Unfinished because I'm still alive, grudgingly facing each day. Incomplete, as the path to self realization becomes increasingly complex. Fragmented. In my thoughts. In my actions. My very existence itself is by no means whole. And untitled. For I am yet to bear any name or title that outwardly displays who I am and what I stand for.

I should be studying. But the words are unfamiliar and my head and heart are both burdened with disinterest. My mind is wandering, the labyrinth that it is, I find myself thinking beyond my capabilities. I find myself dreaming beyond my means. Elaborate goals and spectacular endings. I wish for them all. How then, am I not able to motivate myself. How am I unable to inspire a situation of studious activity.
How?

Since the start of this year I've been questioning it all. Regretting decisions. Regretting my cowardice. Contemplating options, for it is, by no means too late to rectify what has resulted. I'm still nowhere near content though. I am still swamped with confusion and unease. It's a daunting thought. The future that is. Knowing the uncertainty it brings with it is frightening. Choices made now may reap benefits or result in adverse circumstances. We just don't know.

It's tragic too, that such heavy weighted decisions need to be made now, when so many of the youth are still battling demons of all kinds in an attempt to find themselves. Social tensions complicate matters further. Apart from deciding what one wishes to do with their life, a youngster is often preoccupied with their appearance, with acquiring social face, and even with pursuing a life partner. It's an ongoing struggle. It doesn't end.

I am almost appalled at my own self when I say, follow your heart. Yes. I'm that cliche. But it must be said. In this overwhelming world of judgement and unfulfillment, it is so essential that we hold on to the things that drive is, that inspire and push us. The things that we are wholly passionate about. The little things. The big things. The things. Grab them and go. Find yourself and your place in this universe in that very way.

In the somewhat modified words of Charles Bukowski- Find what you love and let it consume you :)